another blog

check out my new blog, I guess i'll be updating it even more...

http://clandestinedryhme.blogspot.com/

It's a rather very simple blog...I just want my thoughts in it.

happiness.is.too.far.away

Norah Jones is currently soothing my bruised soul - "The Nearness of You". Sometimes I hate it when something I like happens but then I can't continue doing it since something catastrophic will happen. When that happens, my life begins to go blur and the only thing that I comprehend is my meaningless unending torture. Why? Is it too much to ask? Is it too hard to ask for happiness? Just this once? Why must I constantly submit to the people around me? Why must I always, always prohibit myself from reaching that distant oasis?

Then here goes the answer, the foolish pitiful answer - because I don't like anybody getting hurt. I can't bear to see someone crying because of me. Most of the time, the things that make me happy are the things that make people sad. So, here I go again, wishing i could be someone else then unwishing that wish for the fear that people would experience my misery.

I'm really sorry. Yes, I like you. I like you very much but I'm just too complicated. I hope you understand. My life is plainly chaotic.

the star and the crescent moon

hey..today was the first day of our finals...we took on the deeply challenging paths of answering our tests in world history, effective communication and techinical writing and filipino....we were supposed to have our test on chemistry but the thing was not able to finish printing it so the much awaited(but never hoping to come around) chemistry test is postponed until tomorrow...tomorrow we will take on geometry, mapeh, physics , culinary arts and the chemistry exam..haha....i justf finished studying mapeh but i had this sudden urge to write....

i am in the library a green-walled room with two windowed walls..so lucky me, i have mor eair...i love flying air....o.O(weirdness? nagtaka ka pa?)....haha....and it is hard to miss the awesome sight of the sky......i noticed this really bright star beside this crescent moon....with its background as the setting sun...so there where hints of pink-orange-tan near the horizon...slowly fading into blue only with the slightly hint of green....a few minutes....i saw the sky turning purple....but the star and crescent moon still on its place.....this is when i noticed a jet..slowly crossing diagonally beneath the pair....and as if to mimic the melancholy procession of the jet....the sky turned into a mourning monochromatic purple..with it lightening from above towards the towering city lights.....

today was a tough day...not because of the tests but for other bothering situations....i realized that most of us share our warmest i love you's when the person is near leaving to a far, far away place...we don't embrace the happiness that we feel when we are with them...i am guilt of being one of those people...it has never occured to me to do so...perhaps because of an indescribable coward and confusing rope me tha bind me to the feeling of regret..but to all those people that do so...i salute you....

we don't really own  our lives so it is impossible for other people to own it, understand it and control it.....sometimes...more than everything that we know...everyhting that we have...we did not wish to know or have....

that jet...danced across the sky to who knows where...just for a moment i thought that it would stop to consider me but it didn't....it is now where it is fated to be.....to elsewhere but here....we can't contol other people's lives but we could do things that could affect their decisions....just by letting them know that we cherish them in any way that they do, every moment that we can...is a start....

there is one person that i really look up to because of her brevity...bei-bei......half the things that she has done for this person..i won't even imagine doing it...so to you..wherever you are..i hope you know that you are so darn lucky to have ever caught the eye of this goddess..naks!..haha....i hope you appreciate it but i am not forcing you to return it because that..i could not do......never do.......remember....lots and lots of people love you..me included.haha...and Someone that loves you more than you could live up to measue...cheesy na ba?...harhar...totoo naman e...

bei-bei....perhaps..someday..you could see that jet again (I hope), perhaps another, but always, always under a crescent moon and a star....but i wish on a really bright star tonight that you'd be on the moon for a better view.. :) XOXO

the fool and the foolish

i hate being tricked...as much as i hate lies....most of the time the only reason that i do anyhting is that people give me so much lame excuses that i can't stand talking to them anymore because i might suddenly slap their faces....i hate it when people say that they can't do this or that....its as much as saying i don't believe i can do this...heck...if you don't believe...then kill yourself.....you have no right to continue living if you believe you can't do something......if you'd really want to do something....you would do it..no matter what happens..even if you don't sleep or eat. Even if that deprives you of the meager pleasures  you have in life. You would still do it, because you want to. I hate it and i end up meeting their expectations since I would do all the stuff and they would pass that subject hands down. Sometimes I hate giving in to them since I don't have the energy to argue and continually get angry with them..Being angry with someone is a tough job.......I hate being fooled and I hate knowing that I was fooled....if only i didn't know....sometimes knowledge is unbearable.

saturday day.

umm..okay...todaay was the day that we were supposed to finish our project...then it turned out that the "we" became an "i"..haha...that sucks...any way....i went to school with my sister at around 9...so we arrived there at 9....rey arrived there at around 9:30..james arrived a few minutes after rey...then mikka at about 10 then regine at about 10:15...our meeting time was 9 am....we were supposed  to interview who know somthing about the aircon...it was supposed to be what we were going to do on that saturday...then i brough tmy sister home at about 12:45... with them of course...so we ate lunch..i made pizza...and lemonade...and it was lunch...anyway..after that we became lazy then we decided to watch "John Tucker Must Die"...so we finsihed that at 3 and we went to Gus arriving there at around 3:30...so we went inside his room and we just sat there killing ourselves to boredom and then he said that we go eat pizza so we did...we finshed eating at about 4:30..we opened the computer and i thought we would get a start on the project but i looked at the time...it would be impossible to start a project and finish it in 30 minutes...so i just read manga...haha..n.n....and i fugured that im going to that anyway...so they just surfed the net while i finish reading volume 5 of tsubasa...whoo!....that was fun..and we left at 5...then we didn't do anything...and i didn't accomplish anyhting on a day...i just lazed around...haha..........anyway it was fun....